This poem was written for my friend Martin Nicholls 50th birthday in December last year, he and his wife have been supportive recently.

Martin Nico

(in the style of John Cooper Clarke)

This axe wielder is no mere mortal

Tales of him will make you chortle

Remember Aslan, Fond of Dogs and Mister Do

Theres a hairy guitar man known to you

Hes our rock god, lock up your daughters

Well they did until Helen caught him

He was the first to the skirt was Martin Nico

Hit paydirt even before his first Disco

I’m pretty sure her name was Sarah Caton

We were impressed, our mouths were gaping

But I don’t believe they ever went dating

Don’t think they ever shared an 18 rating

Early in the life of Martin Nico

He dwelled on a road called Yew Tree Close

He ran with his gang of youthful duds

A secret society called the Corny Cap Club

You had Ammo, Ivan, Karl and Mart

Warring with others in their Tank Go Kart

Martin Nico became an Oriel Crusader

Playing Diplomacy as a keen Boardgamer

Very ironic if you experience him later

But even then he was an idea Generator

We delivered sketches that made Beaky irater

And Aslan made a noise some would say grated

As a group we were early day Derek Acorahs

Ghost Hunting on the Broads made the girls nervous

You had to look after them if it got colder

Sleeping in Bobs Dads attic maybe the lads got bolder

Then we would all turn up at the Greenbelt Fest

A guy called Griff Pilchard was the worst but the best

Then theres the rallys on a summers day

We had to enjoy them come what may

There’s this guy with a big Water gun

If he spots you, you’d better run

His hair’s modelled on Justin Biebers

Nico it’s a Knockout he just caught ya

Off with Betty to Nottingham

Off his Tits in Amsterdam

Married with kids as Dad and Mum

Helen and Martin having fun

Late Night casualty of Bar Night Blow

Martin is gone before the evenings over

Theres a thing that you should know

About the mind of Martin Nico

He’s sharp, sharp as a meat cleaver

He will turn you into a believer

Drop a track like Amsterdam to deceive ya

Amongst all that Prog that really makes ya heave yeah!

Check out Mr Bobby Titz

He’s famous for his magic keyboard tricks

He’s just another over-achiever

Hanging on the coat tails of Martin Nico

Playing his Hammond to a 9 minute guitar Solo

Apparently he can also Yodel

We’ve got CCC and

We’ve got and

You need a fricking PhD

To keep up with Martin Nico

So let me say in conclusion

And for the avoidance of confusion

He’s a guy that

cc 2014 Tony Amis