So.
A few people recently said they missed me blogging and I thought, that was over 2 1/2 years ago now, it seems like another country to me and so I asked ‘What do you miss about it specifically?’ and I got the response, ‘being inside your head, you seem to think things through more than I can’. That’s very sweet and so I thought, ‘what could I blog about?’. I didn’t have an immediate answer.
After a while though, I thought about what was the most important aspects of my life since I had retired and I came up with 2 things.
Kindness
Guiltlessness
2 ‘nesses’ and I’m not even sure the second one is a real word! Kindness is something that people I respect have in spades, they ooze it, they are selfless at times, I say at times because you can’t just pay out selflessness on a 24/7 loop but I think working to be kind doesn’t do anyone any harm.
Acts of kindness I think ought to make the world a happier place for everyone, they can encourage others to be kind when they have received kindness themselves. They can be little kindness bombs in communities that enable that community to be more than it was. I think they can also boost confidence, control, happiness and perhaps even lead to renewed optimism.
We find ourselves at the moment at the pinch point of many negatives, the news is full of pessimism, I’m very guilty of being glass half empty after Brexit, Covid and with Ukraine, Yemen and Syria bouncing around in my head but the odd little kindness bomb distracts from those things.
I think practising kindness can lead to a more meaningful life, research has found that being charitable, volunteering, acting kindly, improves wellbeing and even delivers a meaningful life for people. (a) You don’t have to be religious, a politician or a billionaire to live a purposeful life.
Frank Turner recorded a whole album of songs that extolled being more kind. It was a great use of songs to push a message that isn’t divisive like most things we debate across the right/left politik divide. Being kind is something that you can hopefully do without dropping into conscious or unconscious bias, simply keeping alert to opportunities to be more kind.
By the way I’m not saying that I’m some kind of kindness exemplar, far from it, however it is an important aspiration for me since I retired.
Now Guiltlessness is something that probably sounds selfish and the opposite of kindness. I think it’s something when you are navigating mental health you need to be careful to adopt, the worse cul de sacs in your own headspace are often when you chalk up all sorts of blame and guilt for yourself so stop giving yourself a hard time, you probably don’t deserve a hard time and it’s that old story that you need to love yourself to be useful to family and friends.
Im unsure that I’ve got this across very well but Guilt doesn’t feel very productive though obviously there’s no get out of jail free card and owning mistakes is fair generally. Being wracked with unnecessary guilt doesn’t sound positive. I’ve never subscribed to the Roman Catholic ethics of guilt. Emotional Intelligence is something a lot of people seem to be missing along with Common Sense. Guilt can often be wrapped up in jealousy, low self esteem, inadequacy, resentment, lack of kindness from others …….. and so the circle is squared.
Just remember, none of us are perfect, we all mess up, we all have moods. I’ll stop waffling now :)
Tony X
Reading and Listening Advice:-
Frank Turner - Be More Kind ( Music Album )
Ruby Wax - Just About Coping ( You Tube )
Matt Haig - Reasons to Stay Alive ( Book )
Lizzie Velasquez - Dare to be Kind ( Book )
(a) Ovul Sezer, Harvard
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