Its such a perfect day I want to spend it with you .................

Today is February 14th, valentines day.  I think a lot of us look at valentines day with healthy skepticism, ultimately because with your partner, lover, wife, husband, every day should be special just because you are together.  In a way I feel valentines day cheapens 'real love'.

There are 364 other days in the year where we can choose to celebrate our relationships and I'm pretty sure those days are better days to do that than February 14th.  It's not a hallmark cards invented tradition though, as paper valentines cards date back to the 19th century.  

The holidays roots are roman, around fertility and in the 5th century a Pope created a feast day the day before the age old fertility festival to be Saint Valentines Day.

There are a number of things that I think we need to do to keep our relationships healthy.

1. Don't compare your relationship to other peoples relationships.  All relationships are unique.

2. Don't strive for your idea of perfection in your partner. 

3. Vive le difference.

4. Acknowledge the things you and your partner are good at, play to your strengths.

5. Spend time doing each others favourite things.

6. I think it's okay to be assertive in a relationship, don't be treated without respect, if your relationship is strong this should be a given anyway.

7. You still need to find time to do the things that you enjoy as individuals.

So that's my recipe.  Now let's turn that on it's head.  If you are suffering with your mental health challenges, the advice for a relationship could be the advice to yourself.  Looking at those 7 above targetted at you as an individual.

1. Don't compare yourself to other people. 

2. Don't strive for perfection.

3. Vive le difference, all people are not created equal.

4. Acknowledge the things that you are good at, your strengths.

5. Treat yourself well, do things you enjoy

6. Be assertive, don't let people treat you with little or no respect

7. Engage in work and hobbies you enjoy

Well, i'm not sure that makes sense but it did when I started writing it ............. Now I have 2 holidays Monday & Tuesday to recharge myself after my first full week back at work last week.